A gentle reminder to myself today.


reality check

“I am weak.”

This is the phrase that’s been going through my head for the past two days – two days since I had the choice to either stick with my plan (to complete a Whole30), or to let the demons win.

I don’t know why I did it. I had wonderful, beautiful, delicious, healthy food at the ready. I wasn’t hungry (in the true sense of hunger). I wasn’t particularly stressed. But when the choice was presented to me, I RAN to the dark side.

I chose the pizza.

For the record, it wasn’t even that good.

I have become acutely aware that my relationship with food is something that I’m going to have to seek professional help with at this point. There is far too much emotional baggage here for me to deal with on my own, and I cannot keep using food as my “medicine.” If I am going to be successful in my journey to become who I truly want to become – an optimally healthy, fit, happy girl, who has a healthy relationship with food – then I’m going to have to bring in outside assistance.

On a positive note, I didn’t spiral out of control, in my usual fashion. I didn’t go out and pick up a ton of junk food (I’m looking at you, Taco Bell), and then go home and sit on my couch, wallowing in my self-pity and stuffing myself sick. I got back on that wagon and have kept up the good choices since my slip. Yay, me.

But WHYYY? Why did I do it? Why did I choose the pizza? Why the hell can’t I JUST DO THIS RIGHT?!?

I’m starting to wonder if, perhaps, I need to ease into this strict Whole30 thing a little more. There are so many more facets to it than just eliminating certain things from one’s diet – for me, anyway. I happened upon the latest blog post by Stupid Easy Paleo, where she talks about the #1 thing to eliminate from your diet. It could not have come forth at a better time. IT SPOKE TO ME. This is where I was at, emotionally, two days ago. And I needed to just let it go, and remind myself – AGAIN – that I am not perfect.

So, for now, I’ve decided that my start date was the start of my “Whole30 life” – where I’m shooting for compliant meals 23 out of my 24 meals for the week. I feel like this goal is more attainable at this point. One that I can be successful at. Baby steps, small accomplishments, working up to bigger goals.

I am not defeated. Just human.

One week down, a lifetime to go

Seven days down, and going strong. Some things I’m noticing already:

  • My body is giving me signals again (when I’m hungry, full, tired, etc.), and I’m getting better at noticing them. I still think I’m mistaking thirst for hunger, and being tired for being hungry, but I’m confident I will eventually figure these out.
  • My cravings for sugar and carbs have substantially lessened. Not gone away completely, but definitely decreased. I’m no longer ready to kill for a cup of sugary “creamer” with some coffee in it.  🙂
  • My skin is already clearing up. Yay!
  • Sleep is getting better. Still have quite a way to go with that, but it has improved.
  • Planning and prep makes ALL the difference. If I have stuff that’s ready-to-go, I’m more apt to reach for that than to cave in and have something junky (not that I could do that, anyway, since I cleared my house of all of it).
  • Energy level is increasing. I’m hoping that keeps up, because I’m ready to get back into a regular exercise routine again.

I’m committed to doing the Whole30 in it’s entirety – nothing but Whole30 for a whole month. After that, in order to sustain this as a lifestyle, I’m shooting for 23 out of 24 meals a week to be “Whole30-approved.” It’s not that I’m going to purposely schedule a “cheat meal” once a week, or anything like that. For myself, I find that when I set too rigid of a regimen, the minute I break the rules, I give up completely – thinking that “I blew it anyway” and “I can’t be perfect all the time.” Instead, by doing it this way, I can still shoot for Whole30 every meal of every day, but if I’m in a situation where that may not be possible, I’ll be okay with deferring slightly. Enough of the all-or-nothing mindset. I am starting to think long-term. BALANCE.

Here’s to a successful second week!

Whole30, here I come!

Pre-Whole30 skin pictures. Hoping to see some improvement in the tone, texture, and breakout areas.
Pre-Whole30. Hoping to see some improvement in the tone, texture, and breakout areas.

I’ve been fuddling my way through a Paleo lifestyle since early 2012. I say “fuddling” because I have fallen off the Paleo wagon many times since I started. Donuts are the devil.

Despite my many fallbacks, I DID complete one successful 21-Day Sugar Detox (program courtesy of Balanced Bites) in that time, and the results of that program profoundly affected me. I COULD NOT BELIEVE how much better I was, as a whole person. I felt better – physically, mentally, and emotionally. I looked better – I didn’t lose any pounds, but I did lose inches, and I positively GLOWED. Overall, I was me, but improved – more energy, better sleep, better digestion, clearer skin, better wit (per my sister – I wouldn’t claim that on my own), better job performance, etc.


One of my goals this year is to become better overall in my relationship with food. I had read “It Starts With Food” by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig on the recommendation of a friend late last year. Can you say INCREDIBLE?! Seriously, anyone who eats should read it, but as someone who considers herself an emotional eater, the book truly resonated with me – especially when it came to helping me gain some perspective on when/why/what/how I eat.

Until now, I haven’t been committed to applying the principles of their Whole9 program to my life, but I’m going to start on Monday with their Whole30 program. I have been easing into it over the past few days – cutting down on my sugar/grain/alcohol intake, and prepping wholesome, healthy, real food for my first week.

I not only took “before” pictures of my skin, but also of my body. They didn’t make me very happy, to say the least. I’m not brave enough to share those yet – at some point, I will. But I’m excited! It’s a starting point. I’m looking forward to seeing – and, more importantly, feeling – the results of my first Whole30.

I am rooted in the me who is on this adventure…


I’ve never been good at setting goals, and just because it’s a new year doesn’t mean that’s going to magically change about me. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve tried making resolutions for myself on many a past January 1st. And every single time, I’ve failed, and consequently made myself feel like a heaping pile of shit for not accomplishing what I set out to.

I read somewhere recently (probably Huffington Post) that to better one’s chances for succeeding at goals, one must phrase those goals in a certain way. So I did that, as they suggested. And here’s what I came up with for myself to do, in 2014:

1) Grow fresh herbs.

2) Read five books (cookbooks don’t count).

3) Learn to knit.

4) Go on a 3-month social media fast.

5) Take more pictures.

6) Run 250+ miles.

7) Get my mind right (i.e., start seeing a shrink again).

8) Gain control of my eating (paleo/Whole30 at least 6 days a week, seek professional help regarding my relationship with food, and only step on a scale when a doctor requires it).

9) Practice yoga 1+ times a week.

10) Become more financially responsible –  curb unnecessary spending, and work toward paying off my car, buying a house, and paying back family debts.

Only (!) ten points – and all of them completely doable. I’ll be happy if I can knock a cool six off the list, for the year. But I’m shooting for all ten.

Wish me luck.

rants, raves, observations, and thoughts about life